As a Daughter of Day, you will face the need to initiate critical conversations. You must use good judgment and process the deciding factors as to whether or not it is necessary and timely. I have fallen to prey to starting a vital conversation at the wrong time. There are five tips I would like to share with you about how to initiate difficult conversations. These should be your goals to create a safe and productive environment.
Many times we would rather avoid conflict. Sometimes, we rush to have conversations that may resolve with prayer or in time. However, there are times when we need to clear the air to create a better future with our counterparts, family, co-workers, friends, and even our spouse or significant other.
Conversations are essential to have, and sometimes they need to be thought through to promote a positive outcome. Remember that what you think, maybe a positive result may be different. Sometimes the waters have to be stirred to bring you back to smooth sailing.
G-The first goal is to find the Gains and the Good in the person you are addressing and the opportunity for peace. What are the benefits of initiating or engaging in dialogue? How will the discussion impact the relationship or your existence in the same circle? It is also appropriate to determine what good will come out of the conversation that will yield growth? Make sure you gather yourself before you initiate the conversation so that you don’t go into the conversation with anger. Set a goal to communicate in a positive way that will be fruitful for the relationship.
O-What Objections or Obstacles will you have to overcome to have during the conversation? Will the other person be open to talking to you about the issue? Be aware of the possible offense they may take if you are approaching them in a blaming tone. Think through what you want to say, and if you see where it may be offensive, omit, or refer with more “I’s” instead of “You’s.”
A-Make sure to confirm if you are making any Assumptions before you approach the discussion. Try not to make Accusatory Statements but instead express how you feel and what your perception is in regards to the conflict. Do not assume their intentions but express your reception of the actions in question.
L– Determine what Losses could you endure from bringing up the issue? First, make sure you are not violating the confidence of someone else in sharing any information. Is this hearsay information? Will this conversation cause damage to the relationship or the established trust? Are you okay with an unfavorable outcome if they cannot receive your heart? Are you willing to listen to them just as much as you talk?
Most importantly, move in Love. If the spirit of love is your foundation, it will set the stage for an amicable discussion. It is ideal to forgive the person before you even have the discussion. That ensures that your emotions remain in check.
S-The ultimate goal is to find a Solution. Come to the table to find resolve and peace. If you are solution-oriented as opposed to problem-focused, it will make a significant difference in your ability to keep the main issue the focus.
When engaging in a problematic conversation, look for the Good and Gains. Prepare for objections and obstacles while avoiding the spirit of offense. Avoid making assumptions and accusations while focusing on the solutions!